Charlie Lanphear sent me these points to ponder.
PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.
- Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
- Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
- War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
- To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
- In filling in an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency’ – notify: I put ‘DOCTOR.’
- I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
- A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
- Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
- Finally: I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
And my personal favorite:
I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong