“Proud to be a Mid-Westerner”… an essay for “displaced midwesterners”

This “essay” was sent to me by classmate John Lorimer.

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Thought you might enjoy this since you are all displaced from the Midwest.

Subject: Proud to be a Mid-westerner

If You Grew Up in the Midwest, then…

    * You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.

    * You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.

    * You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.

    * You know the difference between ‘Green’ and ‘Red’ farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!

    * You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.

    * You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.

    * You hear someone use the word ‘uff-da’ and you don’t break into uncontrollable laughter.

    * You or someone you know was a ‘Dairy Princess’ at the county fair.

    * You know that ‘combine’ is a noun.

    * You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.

    * You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.

    * You know that ‘creek’ rhymes with ‘pick’.

    * Football schedules, hunting season, and harvest, are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.

    * A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend shining for deer.

    * There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning.

    * You have driven your car on the lake.

    * Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.

    * Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

    * The local gas station sells live bait.

    * At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.

    * You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday

    * You actually understand these jokes and will forward them to your Midwestern buddies!

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